Day 48: Another Test of My Will.

Somedays are diamonds, somedays are stones, to crudely quote a John Denver song. Today was very much a stones day. In fact, it felt as if I had a Sack of stones draped over my shoulders the entire morning. There is noodle legs, and then there is no legs. Today, I had nothing. I was so physically exhausted from the start, I never could recover. It wasn't that I had no wind, it was just pure physical tired. I can't really explain it, one day I'll have plenty of energy, and another I feel like this morning. This morning was the most tired I have been the entire trip. I actually pondered quitting a few times today. Not the entire trip, but just quitting for the day. Had I quit today, when running for Ed Vineyard, I guarantee I would not have forgiven myself. In fact, the thought of  quitting on Mr. Vineyard was enough to snap me out of that mindset immediately. So, instead, I slowly slid one leg in front of the other, step by step, mile by mile, until the morning 12 was finished. I kept my mind occupied with many wonderful memories from Ensemble with Mr. Vineyard, and it kept me from focusing on the lack of energy.
It is not often that a man such as Ed Vineyard comes along, and I was so unbelieveably fortunate to have known him. He was truely a kind soul, the kind of man you could see the warmth of his heart just in his bright eyes and smile. He was such a wonderful teacher, and person, and I can't imagine there was ever an unkind word spoken about him. He was the kind of teacher that even the worst students loved. I know I am just one of many, many people who share this sentiment. My life is truly better, and more blessed, for having known Ed Vineyard. I believe that is a wonderful legacy he has left on this earth.
After stumbling through the morning, I actually felt ashamed at myself for thinking of quitting the run early today. I didn't get much rest during the lunch break, because a lot of things were running through my mind. I wanted so badly to be strong enough to finish the run today, but based on the morning, I was very scared that I just wouldn't have enough in me. I know it wouldn't have mattered to Mr. Vineyard whether I finished the day or not, but it mattered to me to show him that I wouldn't quit. I swear he must have been listening to my prayers at lunch, because the help I received during this afternoon's run was nothing short of a miracle. It's a wonderful feeling to have faith, and it's even more wonderful when that faith is confirmed.
There wasn't much wind to speak of during the morning run, and what little there was, kind of just swirled around and hit me in the face mostly. However, while I was lying in the back of the van at lunch, contemplating how I could possibly finish the day, and praying for some strength from somewhere in my body, I was answered in the neatest way. The wind suddenly started to blow very hard, so hard in fact, that the van felt like it was going to tip a few times. I didn't think much about the wind at the time, other than saying to myself  "great, now I have to deal with wind when I'm already worn out". I just didn't realize the blessing I was receiving while sprawled out in the van. When I finally drug myself up and got ready for the afternoon, I was still very concerned whether or not I could finish. To my surprise, when I stepped out of the van, the wind that was swirling around in the morning, was now at full force, directly behind me, pointing in the direction of my destination. You all may think it's a little corny, but I do believe Mr. Vineyard was up there, looking down, and giving me that big smile, his unrelenting encouragement, and a huge wind at my back. (Of course I can see him showing me how to breathe in deep from down in the diaphragm and make the HUHH sound, not from in the nose talking real nasily, haha. One of my favorite singing exercises he taught us.) For the last 8 miles of the day, I put forth less than 10% effort, which is good, because I didn't have anymore than that. I just leaned back, relaxed, and picked up my legs, one after the other, and let the wind do the rest. I kid you not, I didn't have to push off even once this afternoon. I just had to hold myself back from time to time, because the wind was blowing me to a dead sprint at times. For almost 2 straight hours, the wind mightily pushed me down the road. 8 full miles. And when I was done, not more than 10 minutes later, the wind calmed back down to a hush. I am getting chills right now just writing this, so just imagine how I felt as this was happening this afternoon. I can't explain it, and I don't want to try. I just prefer to revel in the faith that I asked, and received an amazing gift from above this afternoon. One that, without, I may not have finished the day. Thanks for still looking out for me Mr. Vineyard. I hope to be singing in another choir with you someday.