Day 17: Yet Another Test of Endurance

The word for today was: Tired. This is the word, because this is what I felt, from start to finish today. I can't pinpoint 1 particular reason I had no energy today, but I just didn't have much in the tank today. Nothing on my body really hurt, at least any more than it normally does. I was simply gassed. I'm sure the 100 degree heat beating down on me didn't help either. But these are the things I have so rigorously prepared for mentally. I figured, if my mind can fight it, than my body has no choice but to fall in line as well. I made the statement during training, "My body keeps trying to tell my mind to quit. Apparently my body didn't get the memo, it is not nearly strong enough to tell my mind what to do." That was very true today.
I shuffled along today, basically willing my body to continue moving along the very hot, and narrow road of Arizona Route 72. I had basically nothing left in my body today, but my mind is constantly being refueled with high-test with every word of encouragement I recieve from home, with every individual for which I am running each day, and with the memory of every man and woman who has put on a uniform and said, "Sleep well Andrew Miller, I've got your back tonight".
First, for the words of encouragement from back home: I hope I have adequately expressed my thanks for each person that sends me messages from home. They are a constant emotional lift for me when things have been tough out here. So, thank you all and keep them coming. In particular, today I received a video that Mike Snyder and James Carpenter got of Owen Schmitt wishing me good luck on the run. Now, if you know me, you will know how big of a fan I am of Owen Schmitt. This was such a shock to me, and may be the coolest thing that has ever happened to me, no joke. So, a big thanks to those two for somehow getting that.
Second, for each person I am running daily. Each person I dedicate a day of running to is someone who has influenced my life in a positive way. Someone for whom I am a better person for having known. I take this person, or these people with me on each step of the day I am running for them. I am constantly thinking of good times we've had, and things we've done together. Today, that was Caleb Nichols. What an awesome dude. It was very easy to keep my mind occupied today, because we have a lot of memories. I laughed a lot to myself today, because Caleb has always known how to keep me laughing.
Third, for the soldiers. They are never far from my mind, and heart on this trip. They can't be. I won't allow it. They are the reason I am trying to raise money. They are the reason I can even do this run, carefree. I got to meet another Marine today. His name is Anthony Nelson, and he lives in Bouse, Arizona. It was a chance meeting, sort of. It was chance because I was just finishing my lunch break and stretching for the final 8 miles of the day. It wasn't so much chance that I think we were parked on the entrance road to his ranch, and he stopped to see who was sitting in the strange van with the signs. At first, he though we might be a folk singing band of the same name, leading him to wonder if there was a folk festival coming through the town of 875 people that he hadn't heard of. After talking with Anthony for a little while, I found the he was a Marine stationed out of Hawaii. He was such a nice guy, I felt like I'd known him for ever, after only a few minutes of conversation. I am constantly excited to meet new people on this journey.
Finally, I had some deep reflection time. I was about 16 miles into my day, just about finished, when John Mayer's "Say What You Need to Say" came on my shuffle. I'll post the lyrics:

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say 

This song, for some reason, reminded me of my Grandpa Kincaid today. Maybe it's because I am getting close to Phoenix. See, I had moved to Phoenix about 5 years ago to caddy at the TPC at Scottsdale for about 3 months. The day  I left, I was at Main Street Exxon filling up my truck with gas for the trip. Barbara and Pa just happened to pull in beside me. It wasn't that I hadn't seen them lately, but I was getting ready to leave, and I may not have had a chance to say goodbye in person. Usually Pa didn't get out of the vehicle, but for some reason, this time he did. He got out, and I got to hug him, and tell him I loved him, and that I'd see him back in Spencer in a few months. It was the last time I got to see him. I wasn't out in Phoenix more than a month when I got the call that he had passed away. I took it very hard, and for the longest time never forgave myself for not being able to make it home for his memorial service. I felt, for some reason very selfish that I'd just up and left for Arizona, leaving my whole family behind, and I was miserable in Arizona at the time. I didn't realize until a couple years ago that I had been given such a wonderful gift. The chance to say goodbye to Pa. There were so many other times in my life that we just said hi to each other, or he would sit on the couch while I watched tv, without a word even being spoken between us. So many other days, I'd randomly seen him and Barbara driving, and he wouldn't even get out of the car, and I wouldn't even go to his window to say hi. I guess I just thought I'd say hi later. I was given such a great gift, the ability to hug Pa one last time, and tell him I loved him. That song just reminds me so often to try my best not to take these wonderful moments for granted, and to try to tell people what I am feeling more often. I shed a few tears during that song today. But they were a mixture. Tears of sadness because I can no longer see Pa, but tears of joy that I knew him, that he was such a wonderful man, that he was such a wonderful influence, and that I got the chance to say goodbye. That is all.